If you’ve ever found yourself endlessly replaying conversations after a breakup, searching for the missing piece that will make it all make sense—you’re not alone. Closure is one of the most sought-after (and misunderstood) parts of healing from a relationship. It’s also one of the hardest things to actually get from someone else. Let’s talk about why that is, and how you can start finding closure from within instead.

If you’re doing deep inner work while in a relationship that feels like an emotional minefield, you’ve probably asked yourself this question: Can I actually heal while being constantly triggered? It’s such an important question—and one that doesn’t have a neat, black-and-white answer. But let’s explore it, because understanding the difference between healing through your triggers and being stuck inside them is key to knowing whether a relationship is helping you grow or holding you back.