If you’ve ever found yourself drawn—almost magnetically—to partners who are inconsistent, hot-and-cold, evasive, or allergic to emotional intimacy, you’re far from alone. So many people find themselves repeatedly entering relationships with emotionally unavailable partners, even though those dynamics leave them feeling anxious, activated, and constantly questioning where they stand. And yet, as much as we can intellectually insist I don’t want this, some deeper part of us continues choosing it. Let’s dig into five major reasons you may be repeating this cycle.

Self-compassion is the often-ignored, often-resisted missing piece in our healing. Whether you struggle with anxious attachment, people-pleasing, perfectionism, overfunctioning, or that familiar internal voice whispering just do better, this one’s for you. So many of us try to “fix” ourselves through pressure, shame, or self-criticism, believing that being hard on ourselves will finally create the change we want. But real transformation doesn’t come from pushing—it comes from learning to relate to ourselves with curiosity, care, and inner safety. In this post, we explore how self-compassion becomes the foundation for building secure attachment, breaking old patterns, and creating the kind of steady inner relationship every healing journey truly needs.

If you’re in the thick of anxious attachment right now, it can feel completely overwhelming. You might be stuck in a relationship you know isn’t good for you. You might feel like you’re constantly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. You might wonder if this is just “how you are” and if you’re destined to feel this way forever. I want you to know: I have been exactly where you are. You might look at my life now and think I’m miles away from your reality. But it really wasn’t that long ago that my life looked entirely different — and my anxious attachment was running the show. This is the story of how I went from living in a constant state of dread and self-abandonment… to building self-worth, leaving a deeply unhealthy relationship, and creating the life and relationship I have now. My hope is that in my story, you can glimpse what’s possible for you too.

If you’re in a relationship with… well, any human being, you already know this: Conflict is inevitable. It doesn’t matter how aligned, in love, or “on the same page” you are — sooner or later, you will bump up against each other’s edges. Needs will go unmet, feelings will get hurt, and misunderstandings will happen. In this episode of On Attachment, I’m joined again by my dear friend and colleague, relationship coach and author James “Fish” Gill. Fish’s work is all about conscious communication and finding our way back to connection — particularly in those tender, messy, “we’re not at our best right now” moments that relationships inevitably bring. Let’s dig into some of the big themes from our conversation.

Becoming a parent is one of the biggest relational transitions most of us will ever face. And while the world loves to tell us how overwhelming, chaotic, and identity-shattering it should be, the truth is that everyone’s experience is deeply personal—and deeply shaped by their attachment patterns. Recently, on the podcast, Joel and I shared our own journey into parenthood—how we felt before having a baby, what surprised us, what challenged us, and how we’ve stayed connected along the way. Afterward, I received countless messages from people saying: “Please talk more about this.” So, let’s.

If you’ve ever found yourself obsessing over what others think of you, replaying conversations in your head, or changing parts of yourself to win approval—you’re far from alone. Most of us have, at one point or another, handed over our sense of self-worth to the opinions of others. So how do you begin to loosen that grip—to care less about what others think, without swinging to the extreme of not caring at all? Let’s explore.

There’s no denying it—breakups are hard. They shake our sense of safety, bring up old wounds, and leave us questioning what’s next. But after a period of healing, reflection, and rebuilding, many people find themselves asking: When will I be ready to date again? We’ll explore signs that you may not be ready just yet, signs that you might be, and how to approach dating again with clarity, self-respect, and emotional grounding.

If you’ve ever found yourself endlessly replaying conversations after a breakup, searching for the missing piece that will make it all make sense—you’re not alone. Closure is one of the most sought-after (and misunderstood) parts of healing from a relationship. It’s also one of the hardest things to actually get from someone else. Let’s talk about why that is, and how you can start finding closure from within instead.

If you’re doing deep inner work while in a relationship that feels like an emotional minefield, you’ve probably asked yourself this question: Can I actually heal while being constantly triggered? It’s such an important question—and one that doesn’t have a neat, black-and-white answer. But let’s explore it, because understanding the difference between healing through your triggers and being stuck inside them is key to knowing whether a relationship is helping you grow or holding you back.

When it comes to dating advice, there’s no shortage of talk about red flags—what to avoid, what to be cautious of, how to spot trouble early. And while discernment is absolutely important, constantly scanning for danger can leave us feeling anxious, defensive, and disconnected from the very thing we’re seeking: connection. So, instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong, let’s talk about what it looks like when things are going right. Here are five green flags to look for in early dating—qualities that signal emotional maturity, compatibility, and potential for a healthy relationship.

If you have an anxious attachment style, the fear of your partner cheating can feel absolutely overwhelming. Of course, no one enjoys the idea of infidelity—but for someone with anxious attachment, it hits on a much deeper, more painful level. Let’s explore why this fear shows up, how it manifests, and what you can do to feel safer and more secure—both within yourself and your relationships.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I feel amazing when I’m single—confident, grounded, totally in control. But the moment I start dating someone I actually like, I spiral into a ball of anxiety”… you’re not alone. This is one of the most common questions I hear: why do we feel secure when we’re single, but suddenly anxious when we enter the dating arena? The short answer? It makes perfect sense. And once you understand why this happens, you can begin to soften the self-judgment and support yourself through it.

We often talk about self-care, emotional intelligence, and regulation—but what if the missing piece is learning how your unique nervous system actually works? In a recent conversation with Alyssa Blask Campbell—author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions and Big Kids, Bigger Feelings—we explored how tuning into your nervous system can completely transform the way you show up as both a partner and a parent. Alyssa’s work centers on raising emotionally intelligent kids, but as she points out, these insights apply to all of our relationships.

Few things feel as destabilizing as a breakup you never saw coming. If you’ve been through this, you know just how painful, confusing, and disorienting it can be. And if the person who ended things had avoidant tendencies, you may have stumbled across the term “avoidant discard.” And while I deeply understand the hurt that phrase tries to capture, I also believe it can keep us stuck. So let’s unpack what’s really happening in a sudden breakup, why it cuts so deep, and how to move through it in a more empowering way.

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a loop—different relationships, different people, but somehow the same story playing out again and again? Maybe you’ve caught yourself wondering, “Why do I always end up with emotionally unavailable people?” or “How do I keep attracting partners who eventually pull away?” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. There are real reasons why these patterns repeat—and understanding them is the first step to breaking free.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re your own harshest critic, you’re not alone. Most of us carry an inner voice that points out our flaws, reminds us of past mistakes, and convinces us we’re not good enough. And while that voice can feel punishing, here’s the surprising truth: your inner critic isn’t trying to hurt you—it’s trying to protect you.

When we think about attachment theory, most of us immediately connect it to romantic relationships. And for good reason—that’s where the framework was originally applied after its roots in infant–caregiver bonds. But here’s the truth: the same patterns that influence how we show up in love also shape the way we navigate friendships.

Breakups are hard. Really hard. And if you have an anxious attachment style, they can feel absolutely devastating—like the rug has been pulled out from under you and you’re left spinning without an anchor. It can be tempting to scramble for control—ruminating, obsessing, even stalking—just to try to ease the pain. The truth? A breakup is not just something to “get through.” It’s an opportunity—a painful one, yes—but also a chance to meet yourself in a new way, learn important lessons, and create the conditions for healthier love in the future.

Most of us know the importance of self-love in theory—but actually liking ourselves? That can feel far trickier. We often spend our energy on personal growth, career goals, and relationships without realising that our relationship with ourselves shapes everything else.

The truth is, liking yourself isn’t about being perfect or achieving more—it’s about building a kinder, more accepting connection with the person you spend every single moment with: you.

Here are some of the key insights and strategies for truly liking yourself more.

Our earliest experiences—those quiet (and not-so-quiet) moments in our families growing up—leave lasting imprints. These imprints become the lens through which we see ourselves, others, and the world. They shape how we communicate, resolve conflict, show love, and even what we believe we deserve in relationships.

In a recent conversation with educator, speaker, and author Lael Stone, we explored how these early imprints influence our adult relationships, and more importantly, how we can become aware of them to consciously rewrite our stories.

If you have an anxious attachment style, you already know how much your sense of safety in a relationship can depend on certain dynamics. The truth is, thriving in love isn’t about finding a partner who “fixes” you—it’s about being in an environment that supports you in feeling secure, valued, and chosen.

Whether you’re anxiously attached yourself or you love someone who is, here are the key relationship qualities that make all the difference.

When we talk about avoidant attachment, it’s often framed in the context of what makes these relationships hard—the pulling away, the fear of intimacy, the patterns of shutdown and self-protection. And while those challenges are real, we often miss the opportunity to ask a more constructive question: What does someone with avoidant attachment actually need in order to feel safe, secure, and thrive in a relationship?

If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly bending, morphing, or minimising yourself in order to preserve connection in a relationship, you’re not alone. For many of us—particularly those with anxious attachment patterns—self-abandonment is an all-too-familiar experience. And while it’s easy to focus on the external dynamics of our relationships, the truth is that so much of what plays out between us and others begins in the relationship we have with ourselves.

Feeling like an afterthought in your relationship can be incredibly painful. In this episode, we unpack why this dynamic is so triggering — especially for those with anxious attachment — and how to advocate for your needs without shame, panic, or self-abandonment.

We often focus on the challenges of anxious attachment — the overthinking, the fear, the insecurity. But what if some of your most “anxious” traits are actually your greatest strengths? In this episode, I explore the hidden gifts of anxious attachment and how, with the right support, your sensitivity can become your superpower.

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the subtle (but important) differences between requests, boundaries, ultimatums, and dealbreakers. While these words are often used interchangeably, they carry different energies — and understanding those differences can help you communicate more clearly, hold your ground with integrity, and honour your needs without falling into patterns of control, people-pleasing, or collapse.

In a world that glorifies hustle and productivity, prioritising pleasure, rest, and feeling good can feel radical. This episode explores why so many of us struggle to let ourselves feel good — and how reclaiming joy and nourishment is essential for healing, regulation, and self-worth.

If you find yourself spiralling into anxiety — overanalysing a text, catastrophising worst-case scenarios, or feeling like your nervous system is in overdrive — this episode is for you.

Jealousy is one of the most common—and most shamed—experiences for people with anxious attachment. In this episode, we’re exploring where jealousy really comes from, how it manifests in relationships, and why it makes so much sense through the lens of self-worth and attachment wounding.