If you’ve spent any time learning about attachment styles—whether that’s through books, TikTok, YouTube, or Instagram—you’ve probably come across a piece of advice that sounds something like this: “If you’re anxiously attached, just avoid avoidant people. On the surface, it makes sense. If you’ve been hurt in an anxious–avoidant dynamic before, of course you’d want to protect yourself from repeating that experience. But here’s the thing: I don’t give that advice. Let’s unpack why.

#244: I Healed My Anxious Attachment… So Why Don’t I Want a Relationship Anymore? (Ask Steph)