#112 When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Do The Work
In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly common dynamic, to have one partner who wants to actively work on things and another partner who is more resistant (which can often overlap with anxious-avoidant dynamics).
In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly common dynamic, to have one partner who wants to actively work on things and another partner who is more resistant (which can often overlap with anxious-avoidant dynamics).
We’ll cover:
Why your partner might be feeling resistant to doing "the work"
How different people make meaning out of needing to work on a relationship
Ways to dismantle fear stories your partner might have
Why it's entirely valid to value growth in a partnership
FURTHER LINKS & RESOURCES:
Join the waitlist for my new couples course, Secure Together
Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
Follow me on Youtube
Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
You might also like…
Episode Transcript
[00:00:04]:
In today's episode we are going to be talking all about what to do when your partner doesn't want to do the work. So when one of you is really wanting to grow and wanting to actively work on the relationship, whether that's from a place of need, as in the relationships in dire straits and you know that that kind of work is required in order for the relationship to survive, or maybe you're wanting the relationship to go from okay to great. But in either scenario or any combination of those or anywhere in between, it's a really common dynamic that one person is more invested or more proactive about wanting to work on the relationship and they are met with resistance from the other person who is maybe not as interested in personal development kind of work.
[00:01:23]:
Maybe doesn't want to look at the dynamics in the relationship with a critical lens and see where things could be better. So it's really very normal and as I said, very common for couples to find themselves in this kind of situation. And I'm going to share some thoughts on how you can tackle that, how you can think about it and some paths forward for you if that's the situation that you find yourself in and you're really wanting to be. Able to connect with your partner and get to be on the same page or at least have some common goals around what you desire for the relationship and how you can work together to head in the right direction. Before I dive into that, a couple of quick announcements. You might have heard me recently sharing that I have a new course for couples in the works which is really exciting. We've now landed on a name. So the course is going to be called Secure together and it will be all about navigating anxious avoidant dynamics in a way that allows you to really meet in the middle and not only both be compromising in a way that feels suboptimal, but where you can really find joy and peace and love and connection in a way that just doesn't feel so stressful and threatening and oppositional all the time.
[00:02:41]:
Because as I know all too wells and I'm sure many of you know, that can certainly be where it goes without the tools and the skills and the awareness to shift out of our default pattern. So Secure Together will be launching in a few weeks time and I have a waitlist up and running for those who are interested to learn more. If you're on the waitlist, you will receive first access and also very discounted pricing, so it's definitely worth jumping on that. Waitlist, all of that is linked in the show. Note for anyone who is interested, the second quick announcement is just to share. I've been reflecting on the podcast and the future of the podcast. This sounds like an ominous announcement, but it isn't, I promise, and wanting the podcast to feel sustainable and viable, hopefully for a long time to come. And for that reason, I've decided to shift back to one episode per week from the current two episodes per week.
[00:03:37]:
As you can imagine, it takes a lot of time and energy and resources to be putting out two episodes a week, every week. And in the interest of making sure that, as I said, the podcast can continue to be around and putting out new content for you all every week for a long time to come, in order for that to feel sustainable on my side, I've decided to shift back to one episode per week. So that'll be happening shortly. And in case anyone notices, maybe no one would have noticed anyway, but in case you are an avid listener who tunes in twice a week, I just want to say I'm so grateful for you and there will be still podcasts every week, but we'll be shifting back to one. So thank you in advance for your understanding and for your ongoing support. I'm very appreciative of you. Okay, so let's dive into this conversation around what to do when your partner doesn't want to do the work. So I really do just want to emphasise, and I know I said this in the introduction, I really want to emphasise how common and normal this is.
[00:04:34]:
So to the extent that you're in that kind of dynamic and you're feeling really frustrated and really isolated and maybe feeling powerless or hopeless, maybe you're wondering if this means you shouldn't be with this person and it shouldn't be so hard and why don't they care? All of those stories are really understandable and I've certainly been there, but I do just want to emphasise that it's very, very common. I think in most cases you will have one partner who's more keen and one partner who's more resistant. That doesn't have to mean anything in and of itself, it's just that we often find ourselves in those sorts of dynamics. Obviously, with the attachment overlay, we can see that someone who leans more anxious is likely to be very invested in wanting to do the work. Oftentimes, I would argue from a place of almost of fear and seeking to feel in control, because if we're constantly talking about the relationship and improving it and all of that, we're plugging all the holes in the ship all the time and then nothing can ever happen. We're like proactively problem solving and protecting the relationship at all costs. And it's not to say that's a bad trait, but I think it's really important no matter where you sit on the spectrum of willingness to do work in your relationship. It's good to be self aware and it's good to reflect on what's this really about.
[00:05:53]:
For me, is this a values thing? And I think that's a completely valid values thing or is this an insecurity and a fear thing? Or maybe it's some combination of those and just sifting through that so that we can come to these conversations in our relationships with a lot of self awareness and a lot of self responsibility that allows us to meet. Our partner in kind of honesty and vulnerability rather than attack and blame and projection, which I think is what can happen when we feel frustrated and exasperated and we make the other person the problem. We say you're the reason that we're like this because I want to do the work and you're the roadblock, you're the impasse, so you just have to change and then everything will be fine. I think we can really easily fall into that kind of story and project that in a way that spoiler alert, tends not to work very well and tends to lead to more resistance in the other person. Quite understandably. So what do we do with this with a partner who's really resistant? I think that as with all things, I know how frustrating it is, but it really can be very helpful to get curious about the source of their resistance, right? So rather than just making them wrong for their resistance and their reluctance to do the work. Go okay, what might this signify to you? What is it about working on our relationship that feels threatening to you in some way or that feels unsafe or that scares you or stresses you out? And for a lot of people with more avoidant patterns, the idea of needing to work on a relationship is maybe quite foreign or at the very least, quite intensely vulnerable. Because particularly if you've been in a relationship dynamic where the status quo is having these big, long, heavy emotional conversations for 3 hours, where you spin around in circles, and for someone who leans more towards avoidant patterns, that is likely to be a very emotionally exhausting experience that they're going to have a lot of resistance to.
[00:07:53]:
Again, quite understandably. And so they might think of doing more work on your relationship as being tantamount to signing up for more of that. So getting curious, what is working on the relationship? What does that mean to you? What does that look like to you and what does it signify or symbolise? What does it mean about our relationship to you if we are doing work on it? For some people and I think this is hopefully becoming less true now, I think there's cultural shifts taking place, but certainly a more old fashioned view would be that you shouldn't have to talk about it or work on it. And I think that some more avoidant folks can have the perspective of if it's that much work, it's not worth it. And that just means that something's broken, it's not a good fit, so I'll just go find someone else where that work isn't required and that is my solution. And there are people who are more than happy to be in a relationship for years, decades, a lifetime, and not do this kind of work. So it's not wrong, but it's just finding compatibility in that respect. And I think for a lot of people nowadays, and certainly I know for probably the majority of people listening to this podcast, there is a desire to grow in relationship and there is a desire to deepen emotionally and to not just get by, but to really thrive in love together.
[00:09:19]:
And I think that's a beautiful thing to value and to fight for. So I think that all of that to say, it can be really helpful to get clear for each of you on what the work means. And if there's some confusion there or you're faced with resistance, maybe you could share with a partner that I'm not doing this because I think that this is broken and you're doing something wrong and I'm trying to change you or any other stories that you think you might need to dismantle. But really because I love our relationship and I really want to invest in it in the same way that I'd invest in any other part of my life that I really valued and wanted to nurture. You do exercise to take care of your health or you would take lessons in dance if you wanted to learn to be a better dancer. And it doesn't mean that there's something wrong there or that we need to get defensive or protective of the thing. But I think oftentimes we have all of these really unrealistic expectations of how easy relationships should be. And that if you are doing work together, if you're going to couples counselling, if you're having big talks about your feelings or if you're reading a relationship book or doing a course together, that that means that there's something wrong and that you're failing.
[00:10:44]:
And I think for some people more than others, that can be a real point of sensitivity and can bring up a lot of stuff and it can bring up a lot of those defence mechanisms that we can see, whether that's avoidance or denial or projection or any number of things that basically deflect away from the need to look deeper. Because that can feel quite confronting for some. So getting really clear, making sure that when you're trying to talk to your partner about this stuff, that you're not bringing the energy of blame and attack because that's just going to provide evidence in support of the fear story that someone's likely harbouring if they have a lot of resistance. So really trying to dismantle that and leading by example, by showing like I don't think there's anything wrong. I just really would love for us to go deeper or to expand or build more joy, more fun, more peace, more play, more intimacy, because that really matters to me and because I love you. So I think that's a very different angle than dragging someone by the scruff of their neck to counselling because you've had enough and this is a last resort. I think that's going to be really hard because, of course, for a lot of people, that will bring up resistance because they feel very powerless and they feel like they're being maybe that they're going to be ambushed. I think that's a really common dynamic when it comes to couples therapy as well, that you're just recruiting someone who's going to take your side and tell me all of the ways that I'm bad.
[00:12:16]:
So really getting clear around what the objective is, what your intentions are, explaining why it's important to you, really forefronting your values in that, and how growth is really important for you as an individual and for the two of you as a couple. And that feels really important to the ongoing thriving of the relationship and ensuring that it doesn't get lazy or complacent or stagnant as so many relationships do. I think the other important thing to say is that you're allowed to value growth and you're allowed to really prioritise that. I think I've said it on the podcast before where I'm at in my life now, I wouldn't be open to a relationship with someone who wasn't interested in growing in the way that I am. It doesn't have to be in the exact way that I am or at the exact point in my journey that I'm at. I'm not telling you that you need to recruit someone who is your exact copy. I don't think that's advisable or realistic, but alignment is important. And if growth and development is of the utmost priority to you, and that really is a high ranking value for you in your own life and in your relationships, then I think it's totally valid to stand behind that and to convey the gravity of that or the magnitude of that desire to a partner.
[00:13:45]:
And ultimately, of course, it's going to vary hugely depending on the circumstances if you've been with someone for 20 years versus if you're dating someone for two months. Right? So I'm not going to lay down the law on what you should do in any of those situations, but rather just to really validate that that is a perfectly understandable desire and value. And that's certainly something that I value very highly and very appreciative of in my own relationship, that my partner and I are aligned on, that it's something that we'll be speaking about, I think I mentioned at the last episode I might not have here. Joel, my partner, will be featuring in the new course on couple stuff and anxious avoidant dynamics. And it's something that we'll be speaking to these dynamics in the context of anxious avoidant relationships. But yeah, just to say that you don't have to shy away from that if you know that's really important to you. And while it might not look exactly the same, someone's work might look really different to yours. Just because your partner doesn't want to read a book about relationships that you thought was an amazing book doesn't mean that they don't care about the relationship.
[00:14:51]:
Just because they don't want to do an online course or listen to this podcast with you. It doesn't have to mean anything. You don't get to control the exact steps that they take. But I think some people will say to me, my partner says I don't need to do any work on myself because I like myself the way I am. Full stop, end of conversation. And I think that can be hard to work with, particularly when the relationship is struggling and someone's deflecting all of the attention away from themselves and suggesting that they've not got work to do. That can be hard to work with and that can be hard to build with that kind of attitude. So I just wanted to say that to validate that you don't have to struggle through that.
[00:15:34]:
Particularly, as I said, if it's earlier in a relationship and if you're not in a relationship at the moment, I would really encourage you to get clear. This is a bit of a sidebar, but write down what your values are, write down what's really important to you, and willingness to grow together can absolutely be a high ranking value of yours. And so you can have that front of mind when you're dating people, when you're connecting with new people and making sure that you're screening for that to make sure that you're aligned because it can make a big difference down the road. Okay, so I hope that has been helpful. I realise we jumped around a bit there, but just to recap, it's so normal to have resistance. It doesn't necessarily mean that there's something wrong with your partner or your relationship. I think most couples will encounter some form of this at some point in the journey, so don't get too down and out if this is the situation that you're in. And try to be somewhat open minded and curious as to what purpose their resistance might be serving.
[00:16:34]:
What are they protecting behind that resistance? What feels really vulnerable or edgy for them about the idea of doing work together? And how might you offer them some additional context communication, dismantling some of those stories that they might have around what it means to do the work and really explain why for you it doesn't have to mean all bad things and really quite the contrary. It's a sign of how much you love and appreciate them and how much you value the relationship can be a really helpful reframe. Also that you are allowed to value this. You don't need to downplay that or deny that, because it's a totally valid need. But also, just try and be somewhat flexible around not needing a partner's journey and their work to look exactly the same as yours, because oftentimes it won't. And I think sometimes when we're expecting someone to have the same path as us, that's when we can get a bit controlling and judgmental, and that tends to make the resistance worse. I really hope that that has been helpful. As always, so grateful for those of you who leave a review or a rating.
[00:17:38]:
It really does help so much, but otherwise, I look forward to seeing you again soon. Thanks, guys. Thanks for joining me for this episode of On Attachment. If you want to go deeper on all things attachment, love and relationships, you can find me on Instagram @stephanie__rigg or at stephanierigg.com. And if you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review and a five star rating. It really does help so much. Thanks again for being here and I hope to see you again sooner.
#111 The Pillars of Trust & Trustworthiness
In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a direct result of past experiences where trust has been breached. And as we'll discuss in today's conversation, trust is about so much more than honesty. My hope is that you'll walk away from today's episode with greater clarity about why you might struggle with trust, and the steps you can take to remediate this in your relationships.
In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a direct result of past experiences where trust has been breached. And as we'll discuss in today's conversation, trust is about so much more than honesty. My hope is that you'll walk away from today's episode with greater clarity about why you might struggle with trust, and the steps you can take to remediate this in your relationships.
We’ll cover:
The interplay between trust and trustworthiness
The five pillars of trust
How self-trust and relational trust are connected
Building trust through small acts over time
FURTHER LINKS & RESOURCES:
Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
Follow me on Youtube
Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
You might also like…
Episode Transcript
[00:00:04]:
Welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's episode, I'm going to be talking all about the pillars of trust and trustworthiness. So this is something that I started reflecting on and formulating in preparation for my master class on building Trust, which I ran a couple of weeks ago. And it's really stuck with me. And I think it's such an important conversation to be had because if you're like most people, you probably think of trust as comprising honesty and openness.
[00:01:03]:
And while honesty is definitely a component of trust and a really important ingredient in being able to trust someone, it's not the be all and end all. It's not the whole picture. And I think that understanding that trust is more layered than that, that there's more depth to it and more breadth to what it takes to really trust someone and what it takes for someone to demonstrate their trustworthiness. That really allows us to have a fuller picture of where and why we might struggle to trust and by extension, what we might do to start building more trust in our relationship. So I'm going to be sharing with you five pillars of trustworthiness, which is not an exhaustive list and it's not some sort of doctrine that you're going to find in a textbook. This is just something that I came up with when I was preparing for this master class that I ran. But I am hoping that it is helpful for you in reframing and broadening the way that you think about trust. The other thing I want to say in framing the discussion is that self trust and relational trust are much more parallel than we think.
[00:02:07]:
I think that a lot of people treat self trust as something mysterious and we throw our hands up and go, oh, I just have such bad self trust. I'm so indecisive. I don't really trust in myself to make a good decision. I always ask other people for their opinions and I to and fro on it incessantly. I always doubt myself. And while I understand that that can be a really overwhelming experience, I think we underestimate how many of the principles that apply in the realm of relational trust are very much influential and formative in whether and to what extent we trust ourselves. So I'll touch a little bit on that today. But I do want to say if this is a topic that you're interested in and you enjoy today's discussion, please do go and cheque out the Building Trust Masterclass.
[00:02:57]:
It's two and a half hours or thereabouts of a really deep dive on this topic on self trust and relational trust and rebuilding trust after there's been a breach of trust. So it's really in depth and has an accompanying workbook as well. So I will do my best to give you a taster of these pillars of trustworthiness in today's episode. But if you are keen to go deeper, definitely a good idea to cheque out the Masterclass, which will be linked in the show notes. Okay, so let's dive into this conversation around trust and trustworthiness. So I want to start by saying, you might have noticed I keep saying trust and trustworthiness because, again, I think oftentimes we can blame ourselves if we have so called trust issues. And we go, oh, I just need to get better at trusting. I just need to be more trusting.
[00:03:47]:
And I think it's important to recognise that often our trust issues, if we're going to call them that, are there for a reason. And it might not be a reason that originates in your current relationships, where it might be a legacy wound from a previous relationship, but it's rare that it just comes out of nowhere. So I think we really have to approach ourselves with a level of self compassion and recognise that most of the time our fears make sense and they come from somewhere. So in the past, you might have been lied to or betrayed or disappointed or let down blindsided by something. There might have been secrets kept that you were unaware of. And so you've developed certain fears around trusting in response to something that's happened to you or something that you've seen, but there's something within you that's going it is not safe to fully trust this person, to rely on them, to count on them, to take their word at face value. And so I've got to add these additional layers of protection in order to keep myself safe. And that might look like either withholding parts of yourself not being fully vulnerable, not opening yourself to someone, or it might look like probing someone or not trusting what they say.
[00:04:59]:
It might look like reading their messages or crossing boundaries around privacy because you struggle to just trust that things could be as they seem. So there's lots of tentacles to this whole trust piece. But I did just want to say that oftentimes our trust wounds make sense, and so we do want to approach ourselves with a level of compassion. The other piece is this distinction between trust and trustworthiness. It really is a dialogue, right? It's like call and response. So I trust to the extent that you demonstrate yourself to be trustworthy, and that's likely to happen in increments, or at least ideally it would. So I might trust you with this piece of myself and then you show up in a way that feels really safe and trustworthy, and then I give you a little more, and then you stay steady and you are showing me that you are worthy of trust. I e trustworthy and so as we proceed in a moment to talk about these pillars of trust and trustworthiness, I want you to think about it being a two way street.
[00:06:00]:
It's not just your responsibility to blindly trust. It is a dialogue. It is back and forth between people in a relationship, not just a romantic relationship, to be clear, but this interplay, this dialogue between trust and trustworthiness, and that we really need both of those to dance together in a way that feels really safe in order for that to build over time. So let's talk about these pillars of trustworthiness. The first one is perhaps the most obvious, as I alluded to at the beginning of this episode, that honesty, right? Honesty is a really important part of trust. So honesty to me is, can I trust your word? Is your word true? Is it reliable? Are you sharing the whole truth? Are you withholding are you concealing? Are you not being transparent with me around not only the facts of a situation, but maybe how you're feeling and anything like that? So can I trust that what you say is the truth? And I don't really need to probe or interrogate or push beyond that because you have shown me that your word is valuable and honest and reliable. So honesty, as I said, is what we mostly think about when we think of trust. And so if someone has lied to us, we might not trust them.
[00:07:19]:
And that is perfectly understandable, but it is just the tip of the iceberg, I think, when it comes to trust. And we do want to dig a little deeper to look at some of these less obvious expressions of trust and trustworthiness. So the next one is reliability. So in this context, I'm thinking of reliability as, can I count on you? Will you be there when I need you? Do I really feel like you have my back? It doesn't mean that you're perfect. It doesn't mean that you are waiting at my beck and call all the time. But can I trust that if I were ever in a moment of need, that you would show up for me in a way that really contributed to my feeling of safety? Again, this could be in a friendship. Hopefully you've got at least a couple of friends that you know you could always call and count on to be there for you. And I think that level of reliability, no matter what else is going on, is so conducive to deep trust in any relationship.
[00:08:15]:
Obviously the converse of that is unreliability flakiness maybe not prioritising the relationship enough such that you don't feel important to this person in a way that they really are there for you and care about you. Reliably okay, the third pillar of trustworthiness is integrity. So are your values and your actions in alignment? Is there this sense of wholeness? And can I really feel that you know who you are? You know what you stand for and you are committed to broadly acting in accordance with your values. So I think when there are people who you can feel into the fact that they don't really know who they are and they're really insecure and they flip flop all over the place and they go with the flow and they try and fit in. And there's no real internal angst. There's no sense of them knowing who they are and what they value in anything other than a really shallow sense. It is very hard to trust that person because you just don't know what it is you are connecting with. You don't know who the person is behind the mask.
[00:09:19]:
And so I think that having this really embodied sense of integrity and again, I think of that as alignment and knowing what your values are and acting from a place of integrity, doing what you think is right rather than what is easy or comfortable, that really helps to build trust. And again, I think this is one where it's particularly important to highlight the parallels between relational trust and self trust. Because as I've spoken to before on the show and I teach in all of my courses, a lack of self awareness and self knowledge around our values is a surefire way to erode self respect and self trust. Because when we don't know who we are, we don't know what we value, we don't know what we stand for, we don't know what our boundaries are, we don't know what our limits are. We don't know what we're okay with. And we just float around doing whatever other people want us to in an effort to seek approval or be accepted or be chosen. Very, very hard to trust ourselves from that place because there's no direction, right? There's nothing really anchored or grounded about that. And that flaky kind of energy is not very trustworthy.
[00:10:30]:
So again, both in yourself and other people, integrity and alignment is a really, really important pillar of trustworthiness. The next one is responsibility. And in this context I'm meaning responsibility like do you own your mistakes? Do you recognise your contribution to a situation? Do you own your blind spots? And do you seek to repair and make amends, proactively and find ways to make sure that certain things don't happen again or don't continue because you are committed to nurturing the relationship? So I think the absence of responsibility basically looks like avoiding hard conversations, not really owning your part, being very defensive. And I think all of those behaviours really obliterate trust because they say to someone I don't really care about your experience, or I don't have the capacity to care about your experience because I'm too concerned with my own. And while we can all do that at certain times, it's really, really destructive to trust. So I think that having the courage to be self responsible and to be proactive and to own our part to own where we've slipped up. I think this one is really important to call out. We're not talking about perfection, right, in any of this.
[00:11:45]:
We're not saying you need to have a squeaky clean track record where you've never made a mistake and you never do anything wrong and you never fall out of integrity or alignment. It's about repairing and not trying to avoid those conversations, not trying to shirk responsibility, but really owning up and owning something and saying, look, I messed up and I see where I went wrong and here's why it isn't going to happen again, because here's my plan, right? That level of self responsibility and accountability really, really helps to build trust and it also really helps to rebuild trust if there has been some sort of rupture or breach. And the final pillar of trustworthiness that I want to share with you is consistency. So are you doing all of those things consistently over time? So rather than it just being a little spurt of motivation, which I think can often happen if we've had a rupture and then we have this big conversation around it and you might come up with a plan and then things are better for a couple of weeks or even a couple of months. But then they start to slip back into old patterns. And again, we can give ourselves some grace because I think we're all guilty of this, of getting a bit complacent and lazy with the commitments that we make. But it's really important to trust that there is consistency and inconsistency makes it very hard to trust because there's no predictability, there's no safety in inconsistency. So having consistent behaviour over time and a really solid track record is going to be really helpful for building trust and rebuilding trust.
[00:13:21]:
So really making sure that whatever we're doing to build trust in a relationship is comprised of lots of little things compounding over time, because that's really how trust is built. I think we can imagine that trust would be built in big moments, but I don't think that's actually true. I think it's lots of little moments, lots of bids for connection and moments of reaching out where we feel really seen and safe and held by another person, validated by them. And over time we go, wow, I can really count on this person. Like I said at the start, it's that dialogue between trust and trustworthiness that is constantly happening, this interplay of reaching out and having someone reach back and going, ah, yes, I can trust you because I've got all of this evidence in support of that. So making sure that whatever you're doing in any relationship to demonstrate your trustworthiness is something that you are doing consistently over time, because that is really important to our sense of safety and trust. So I hope that has been helpful, as I said, in sort of widening the lens for you in terms of what you think of trust as comprising and the ingredients that go into building trust? Because I think that if we are only thinking about trust in terms of honesty, then we're missing all these other ways that we might be inadvertently unintentionally harming the trust in our relationships, or that someone we're in relationship in is proving themselves to be untrustworthy and we don't know why we can't trust them. So maybe hearing this is validating to you, that it's understandable that you struggle to trust someone if they've been really unreliable and inconsistent, but they insist they've been honest.
[00:15:05]:
We really need more than just one piece of the puzzle in order to build this overall picture of trust. The tapestry of trust is much more intricate than just honesty. So perhaps this has been validating, and you can then take that away and go, oh, okay, I now have a little bit more context for why I'm struggling to trust this person and what feedback I could give them in terms of my needs so that I could cultivate a bit more safety. We could cultivate more trust and repair or plug some of the holes in the ship to the extent that it feels like you're not quite there yet on really trusting someone. So I hope that this has been helpful. As I said, if you want to go deeper on this conversation, definitely check out the building trust masterclass, which is very much a deep dive, but otherwise, I hope that this has been helpful, and I look forward to seeing you again next time. Thanks, guys. Thanks for joining me for this episode of On Attachment.
[00:16:04]:
If you want to go deeper on all things attachment, love and relationships, you can find me on Instagram @stephanie__rigg or at stephanierigg.com. And if you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review and a five star rating. It really does help so much. Thanks again for being here, and I hope to see you again sooner.